A Letter To Those Who Love Me

This blogpost was originally posted on my personal Facebook page on May 30, 2020, in response to the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis, Minnesota on May 25, 2020 at the hands of a police officer.

This post reflects a moment in time and is a reflection of my personal opinions. As an African-America woman, a mother, a daughter and a leader with a platform, I have a responsibility to share my perspective as I wait alongside my diverse network and diverse family to learn more about what happened and what needs to happens next.

From My Heart To Yours

A few of my precious friends who happen to be white keep asking how I’m doing. Thank you for loving me enough to check on me.

I want to have the conversation that’s a little different than my normal vibe. But I hope that you will love me enough to lean in.

As a granddaughter of the civil rights movement of the 1960’s I have enjoyed the benefits that were hard won by my father, mother, his siblings, my cousins and other extended family members and millions of others.

By the time I was coming of age, I was able to be protected well enough that going to a diverse elementary, middle and high school was my normal. What I didn’t realize at the time was that it was an uncomfortable, awkward and scary privilege for my parents who realized just how close we were to a segregated reality.

But there I was - obliviously skipping through chorus concerts in taffeta skirts and patent leather shoes, and pool parties with my polka dot bathing suit feeling like a princess, and protected from the shadow of darkness that had only retreated to its mandated cave until its awakening.

Welcome to an awakening. I don’t say “the” awakening because, Beloved, as Will Smith is attributed to saying, and I paraphrase, “21st century racism isn’t new, it just got recorded”. This is one of many awakenings that people of color and the vulnerable have seen brewing for many years.

The point here isn’t at all about who recorded it or why, it’s not about whether there is injustice that is intentional, targeted and in our midst.

The point here is that this latest round of overt and subversive racism is now exposed to the level of an inconvenient truth. It’s a national disruption that has stunned the oblivious, the innocent and yes, those with intention.

We Were Made For More

And let me just take a pause there to address those who feel that violence is the answer and seem to miss their own message. You confound me as we hear the voice of our beloved, long-suffering Dr King’s voice ringing in our ears, yes from Stone Mountain, and from every mountaintop that stands watch over the fresh blood shed of innocent men, women and children. Decimating our communities is now also on your head as our elderly wonder where they will shop, and that new business owner you said you were “for” wonders how he will recover from the sucker punches from racism, the pandemic...and now you??

As of the posting of this blog, it appears that professional rioters are stoking the flames of national emotion by starting or joining local protests with people they do not know, care about, and do not have to live next to. And don’t we know all to well that not everybody who says they are for you, is for you. And yet, solidarity with an unknown enemy has left our communities in ruin.

The aftermath is the stuff of our nightmares and our heartbreak. Was this your intent? I’d like an answer.

You had my empathy and solidarity at the anger and peaceful protest. I am now indignant and disgusted at the excuses for violence. Rioting is beneath you. We were made for more.

And what about the larger businesses in destroyed communities that were trying to actually affect change by honoring employment practices that give everyone a fair shot and a fair chance and a leg up. Target is closing 50 stores as a result of the rioting. In the midst of a pandemic when these types of establishments are a lifeline for basic resources, healthcare support and social connection - especially to black communities - I am at a loss for words at the compounded loss for the vulnerable and disadvantaged.

You got on the news but now people - of every color - are talking about the wrong things. The energy of justice is divided and distracted. The ones who should be honored are now cast in the shadow of violence - again - at your hand. You’ve made a display and the wrong kind of impact.

Demand change. Educate yourself on the political process. Join important conversations and represent yourself with dignity. Rally peacefully to bring shame to those who wear the scourge of violence as their uniform. Don’t mirror their hatred and bigotry. You want change. Really? Now your motives are called Into question. Everyone can see what you’re willing to do but will they ever know what we are collectively capable of? Remind us of what we have to hope for, not what we have tried to overcome.

A Bittersweet Reunion

My anguish and sobs and the anguish and sobs of those who look like me, and yes those who love me (white and black), are too uncomfortable for most. Not because they don’t care. But because to date there have been too many distractions that allow us to escape the 24/7 truth that injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere. My genetic jumpsuit - my skin color - on most days is a reminder of a rich history - until its not.

To my precious White Friends and Family who genuinely care about the tumor that has broken through to the surface of your worlds, you are heartbroken, sad, overwhelmed and maybe depressed. I am so sorry you are feeling the compounded weight of something as horrible as racism.

Thank you for caring. I take no pride in saying “welcome”. Welcome to the reunion. We are all gathered to the national table where we are now all more than mildly curious about just how inter-related we are.

Let me clear - I don’t need you to pretend that you are black or that you know the black experience. I don’t need you to post a meme on social media. And while standing at a protest may make me mildly curious, what I’m more interested in and moved by is your willingness to use you influence, your platforms and your position to affect change.

Who will you be willing to stand for and who will you be willing to stand up to?

I’ve been blessed that I’ve had champions and sponsors. I married into a family that loved me from jump street sparing nothing to weave me into the fold of their tribe. They have been loving, willing to listen, learn and just be there.

And most of our life is about living, not about race.

But many are not so fortunate. Sorry, Beloved, the scales were not balanced when black people came to this country. They were imbalanced by design. And many have risen above it. The problem is where the roots of hatred have only been treated at the top, the roots will spread in places you least expect them and most assuredly don’t want them.

Oppression is Always Short-sighted

Its tempting to feel like so many years have passed that all of this should be a distant memory. You’re not wrong.

Does that make you cry? We all need to cry. We all need to cry until we are catapulted to reasonable, consistent, meaningful, sustainable and systemic change.

The man or woman with indignity in his or her heart needs to be shuddered into silence at the thought of the full weight of the law coming upon his/her backside - and you are just the person to remind them.

It could never be more true that most living today didn’t own slaves, but as we bear the reality of slavery’s stain, you may bear the weight of the curse of of those who sanctioned, participated in and fueled its reign and aftermath. We want to run from it and oh how I wish we could, but here we are.

Oppression is always short-sighted. We should never be more incentivized to stand firmly, speak plainly and with clarity of purpose to those who would like to turn the clock back.

And not just for black people. My friends and family who are gay should be protected and treated with dignity. My Jewish family and friends should be protected and honored. My Hispanic friends and family should be protected and celebrated.

Here is our reality - today evil is exposed towards people that look like me. Tomorrow evil may slither its way towards people that look like you. I pray it never does.

Our Hope

So, Beloved, is there hope? Yes. Her name is Us. We have work to do. I know I do. The work has already begun.

Deliberate, lawful justice is a remedy. Compassion and dignity and sanctity of life are responsibilities. Accountability and action are requirements.

I leave you with this. No treatise or discourse responds to every side or every issue. May we lean into our higher selves to make space for each other at the table - to hear and be heard. May we continue to love each other well to drown out hate.

Our children are watching. What will they say about us, about me and about you? Well, that’s up to us now isn’t it?

Thank you for loving me enough to hear my heart.